the last day of 2008

today is the last day of 2008

a lot of things happened in 2008

the biggest thing among all are i got into university

and the university is far from home
i need to learn how to stay alone

time past very fast, i am in second semester now

i make a lot of friends here

i enjoyed living alone nowadays

i still have a lot of things to learn

going to be 21 years old soon

time really past very fast

look back when i was young

now i am already near 21

i should be able to live independently

i should be able to make wise decision

i woke up very early in the morning today

maybe last night i slept too much

i woke up at 6.30am

and i lye on bed till 7.50am

this year is the first year i celebrate christmas without family

celebrate new year without family

celebrate birthday without family

and some chinese festival without family

i used to eat moon cake every year but not this year

i never eat even a piece of moon cake

i used to eat dumpling during the chinese month of 5

but not this year

i never work for so long during the year even after my spm

but this year i worked for 5 months after my stpm

a lot of things had changed this year

big things, small things.......

i did not do good job on year 2008

what i want now, i still not yet achieve

even some small things

maybe should say i did not work hard enough and be alert enough to get what i want?

erm..or what else?

but look back the time

it seems like i had wasted a lot of time

because my 2008 was quite empty

i need to do more and better in the coming 2009

haha..hope 2009 will bring me something new

and bring me something i want

yesterday in english class

i felt bored in the beginning of the class

but at the end of the class

i felt great

is really a great feeling that you know something that your class mate don't know

thanks for the debate club

my knowledge on certain things really improved a lot

i guess i will continue stay in

i think of leave debate club once

because of those lousy arrangement

and pointless arguements always happened

but it seems like those things not really related to me

and joining the club helped

so..so...just stay cool!!!

tonight i am going to have a stay in Sri pantai motel

because of the new year celebration

with few engineering campus students

luckily we sure have 5 ppl going

now seems like out of 10 people

3 of them are not going anymore from main campus

with some PARTICULAR reasons they have

luckily i had canceled a room last night

if not......

new year, new hope, new target, new energy

new friends, new things, new experiece

new people, even i wanted to make myself new

waiting for a brand new me.....

sad sad, old old go away........

happiness and new hope come near me :)

HAPPY 2009 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CHEER FRIENDS!!! may all your dream come true

one more thing

i just read say ee's blog
and found out i left out something i want to write hehe
that day we went kek lok si (25/12/08)
i got a draw
overall is a quite good draw i think

on 27/12/08 saturday
i accidentally went to thai temple
and draw at the fortune teller machine
OMG !! unexpected, i got the almost exactly same explaination of the draw i got in kek lok si
hm....seems like the coming year might be the good year for me
hope it will be a good year!!!
i will become 21 soon !!!!

omg....angry

grrrrr...last night i slept 3am
i tried to upload some pictures to blogger but still cannot
today i woke up at 9 something in the morning
tried to upload also cannot
heng ah!!!

is 3am in the morning (29/12/08)

rain outside the window
the weather is cold

sometimes i think i am stupid
because of some stupid acts
but for me those acts are what i want
i said it is stupid because ppl will think it is stupid
do i need to care so much about what people think?
or i just need to follow what i like?

is 3 in the morning now
and i am still awake
i am sleepy
but i don't feel like sleeping yet
because i still have a lot to write and a lot to say
tomorrow is a holiday again
sometimes holiday makes me think
think of something that i had done before
think of something that i want to do
think of something that i wish to have
think of something that i already have
do something that i want to do

i guess sometimes i should not think too much
and just do it whatever i want
thinking too much will make things fail sometimes
but not thinking will always give regrets

so, what can i do?

sunday (28/12/08)

i got nothing to do on this boring sunday
i online in the morning
and i saw him
i was so happy
but i dont know whether i am right
do i hope too much?

i am not very happy now
because of something happened just now
what i want is very simple
why have to make it complicated?

i think you will never know how i feel after i heard what you said
i feel bad
i feel not good
but is ok
let time prove everything
i know time will prove it to all of us

after the rain, i will see the rainbow
let the rain pass follow time
and the rainbow will come next
rain rain go away.........

crazy saturday (27/12/08)

my friend and i had planned to go to tanjung bungah
we departed from school happily early in the morning
we took bus from school to komtar
at komtar we took a blue bus and went to tanjung bungah
i asked the bus driver to called me when reached tanjung bungah station
lol...at last we reached BATU FERRINGHI..
ok...is ok.......at least our destination is beach
we walked along the road and tried to walk to tanjung bungah
but there is a road which is quite dangerous
so after we took lunch
we take a bus
we planned to go toy museum
we asked the driver again to called us when reached toy museum
FINALLY, we passed the station again and the driver did not ask us to go down
hahahaha...hm...i asked someone in the bus and knew the way to thai temple
yes..finally..we went to thai temple and vietnam temple
is a lousy journey we have
but quite good experience
and i had explored some place
good start for my planning backpacking journey
hehe....i have fun and that is the first time i walked like that to place to place
i felt great !!

P.S : dont know whats wrong with my connection or maybe blogger, i couldn't upload pictures.
i will upload it on the coming post.

Fun Fair (22/12/08)

i went to fun fair when i was very young


its been long long time i did not go to fun fair


there is a pesta penang on going now


since i had went to sg nibong for the bus ticket on cny


so, waiting, waiting for two hours for the fun fair to open


haha..the fun fair open at 6pm-12pm


i went to get the entrence ticket at 6pm


feeling quite excited because is really long long time i did not go for fun fair


but when i reach inside


my god..nothing one


just some malay stall selling food, dress and etc


erm..but there are exhibitions and we just walk around


luckily till night..finally we saw EURO wheel, space shoot...bla bla bla


feel excited when saw all that


especially saw some stall having those fun fair game like lucky number, shooting..........


haha...want to change for tokens to play


swt....the token so expensive


1 token = rm2


wow..i still remember when i was young my parents brought me to fun fair it was only 1 token = rm1 or even cheaper....


is just some small game..why so so expensive?


finally i only changed for 2 tokens and played a game


hehe..i got two key chains as a reward for throwing the rings....


after that we walked around again


and we went to the mini garden


suprisingly


there is a orang utan inside


hahahahaha....i touched the orang utan


first time ever..the fur so rough but the hand look alike humans'


at around 9pm we took bus and back to our school


i enjoyed it and have fun!!!!!


hehe

P.S : i tried to upload many times the pictures but i couldn't upload. i don't know what happened..i will post the picture later

wow...wow...wow

finally my room can access to internet
so so so so extremely happy now
haha..i love my hostel now :P
at least when i am boring
it will not be that boring
hehe...
erm...first time can online in room
the feeling is so great
but anyway
have to control myself..
cannot online too much
have to make a timetable for myself
....happy happy happy happy..
happiest day since i stayed in university
cheerrrrrr!!!!!!

did santa ever come?

since i was young i believe in santa
but..did santa really exist?
i put a socks on the bed every year on 24th dec
till last year i guess i stoped because i realised santa seems did not come
when i was young, i put a socks for a present
when i am teenager, i still put a socks for a present
when i am now, i wanted to put a socks for a wish
did santa ever come to my bed?
will i see him this year?
..i have a wish..
..i might put a socks this year..
..because i hope my wish will come true..
..will this be too stupid?..
..or mayb i will meet Santa someday :) ..

今天

今天我又要去了

心里有一万个不愿意

但是我没有选择

早上起身心情还好

但，时间越来越近

眼泪不停在眼里打眶眶

但我不会让它流出

因为就算眼泪掉了

我也没有选择

。。。。。。。。。

dream

i had a dream last night
it was not a very good dream
but it seems sweet
i hope to stay in it forever
it is possible
i hope it is not forever a dream
i hope dream will come true someday

i don't hope
as i walk through the valley of death someday
i take a look at my life
and i realised there is nothing left..

is not that good

finally i got my first semester result yesterday
the result is just average
erm..is better than i expected
but is bad compared to others
still had a lot of feeling inside that i dont know should i bring it out
i think i shouldn't cos it will affect things
is ok
i used to be a LOSER !!
no matter in what aspect

my gloomy day

disappear
everything disappear in one day
i couldn't see anything in one day
i couldn't touch it
i scare i lost it
i scare i couldn't see again
because i never know what will happened next
i miss you so much
i wish i could grab you out of your dream
and hug you tight
thinking of you again today
wishing you weren't so far away
hope to meet you soon
MISS YOU so much

i love vampire

today i went to klcc and watched a very nice movie
i thought i wont meet any friend in klcc
shit!! while i am waiting my friend, i met UKM debators..
and i met yoong xiang also..
so long time did not meet him..suddenly met him today
i met jie jie on the way to the movie
met so many ppl in one day
first time.
hm..the movie is really so so so nice
touching, laughing, romance...
everything inside..
i love this movie so much
it is twilight
aboout human and vampires
if i could meet a vampire like Edward Gullen in the movie someday
i will not care whether is he a vampire.....

complicated

a complicated feeling suddenly come to me
i failed
i dont know how to manage the problem this time
is a complicated feeling between before and after
why everything cannot maintain by before?
'feelings' are volatile
it changes very fast
sometimes u dont even know it already changed
don't play with feelings
it can cherish u and kill u at the same time

finally

finally everything end
debate competition also end
i did upload the blog at my japanese blog..
but i wrote it in english there...
can drop there to take a look
i am home now..
today went to very nice date
thanks..
i hope you are my right person..
but....

i want to go home!! i want to have a trip !!!!

my friend came to penang two days ago, i supposed to be happy right? although my last day of exam is on 21, i still very happy because can enjoy after the exam..but after everything planned well, there are some changes. we suddenly been told that we will be having Royal's dabate training. oh my god!! i lost my holiday. i supposed to have a very nice holiday with my friends..but..the debate trainining just ruined it. yesterday, so many surprises me n say ee got. lol...kumari and kar ee supposed to be coming to usm by the morning but...kumari's hp spoiled and they both standing at same area but did not see each other. weird weird weird!! they have to waste again rm35.10 to buy the new ticket and then come here.. stories continue............suprise not finsih yet....around 4 something in the evening...we got the call from them said that they went down at Butterworth..my god...luckily there is ferry for them to get back here..yea..finally they reached usm...today they left usm...so so so so jealous because they can have time to enjoy..i need to stay in usm till 28th of november..so so so sad..i dont want..everyday do the "wu liao" training..i m not debator, i am just adjuricator...aiks..training for what? as long as i have ears to listen and i have mouth to give comment then everything should be no problem..i still need to train for 5 days....argh argh argh!!! i want to go home i want to go trip. :( so so sad....very very very down.....have to sleep at a strange place somemore..i dont like the feelings..they said that 26th can go back to kl..then yesterday morning told us 27th then yesterday night told us 28th...haiz..what the fuck?? ok fine..after last night meeting...the seniors have a very funny arguement..lol..i dont know...as they like...but they are fighting for a plce of debator...hm..finally solved with fair selection that will be hold on 24th nov...i had a funny and dumpy and unhappy yesterday...!!!!!

what i have did to make seems like eveyrone getting angry with me?

hey..what i have did to make everyone angry with me?
when i treat something serious, no one believe me.
so what?
dont believe then dont believe la..
dont like that dont like la
why seems like i am the one always need to be blame?
what have i did?
i murdered someone?
is it?
................................................................
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
wanna scream...
writing nonsense...no one will ever understand how i feel..

总有一天我会有报应的

我总觉得总有一天我会有报应的
我对人的态度
我对爱的态度
应该有一天都会报在我身上吧

i can edit the blog but i cannot change the past

i can edit the blog that i wrote on the past but i cannot change the reality that has happened in the past..
the only thing that i can do is forget the unhappy thing that has happened and face the future
future is always there waiting for me
and past is for me to remember before i did something wrong
but i never realised my mistake in the past and i still repeating it till now
is it because i never really really get hurt thats why i dont know that i did something wrong?
if i can turn back the time, i will not choose to be the one that i am today...

past...

Past are irritating

i hate my past

but without past i will not know my present

but i couldnt blame my past

i am the one who wants to be the one i am today

what am i doing now?

do i realize?

i guess i dont realize what i am doing now

and who i am now

i should not be who i am now

but i am who i am now

why i will become like this?

is it myself to blame?

sometimes i feel so so depress

sometimes i feel so so happy

sometimes i feel so so sad

sometimes i feel so so jealous

sometimes i feel so so stress

sometimes i feel so so excited

sometimes i feel so so lovely

sometimes i feel so so enthusiasm

sometimes i feel so so great

sometimes i feel so so..................

who am i?

can someone tell me pls?

hahaha..HBT 100

lol..first time i translate poem in my entire life..thanks to the course for giving me the chance to translate a poem..thanks for my mom and dad for borne me out so that i can take this paper...hahaa...i think i getting crazy lately..hm hm hm...haha...yea..exam time should be crazy...today paper is not as hard as i think because i still can understand the question just i dont know the answer..everything i studied in the study week..yea..came out one question..better than nothing right..the books i studied in study week can be equal to the amount of books i study in whole 20 years..lol....yea..i dont like to read books...except those book that needed..so give a big clap to me..cos i read a lot and yea..first time in my life i translated a poem..and it is like shit..

sad and bad day

i have a very very bad day..
hate today...
feel like wanna die...
should i crash my head on the wall?

finally.....!!!!!!!!!!!!

finally my exam started....my god..first paper today..i dont know what i am doing while the exam...i was scared but finally the first paper gone...and the coming paper is on 7th november....so so tired today although did not do anything..hm hm hm...still have so so many days to go...till 21st i still cannot free cos still have debate practice..helppppp!!!!!!!!!!!!

feelings 1/11/2008 (Saturday)

Don’t know what to write actually. Hm….just suddenly not really in a very good mood. Yea..this is called mood. My friend told me yesterday mood came without reason, emotion came with reasons. But actually I know what is the reason. I don’t know why I will have such feeling. I know I will live in suffer if I have such feelings. Hm…just that I can’t control. Every time I heard that I don’t know why I will feel unhappy. Maybe I am feeling jealous to you. Yes, you always become the attention of everyone. When I walk with you I feel that I am so little and people will only look at you because you were so tall. When I walk with you, I lost my self-confidence. Yea we are very good friend and everyone sees us as very good friend. I admit that. But I know this is just my own problem. I think I have to change my mind set. These few days, all day study study study..i never become so hardworking before this. I am still scare. I feel myself inside were empty. Not even a single word in my mind. I scare I will lose. Exam coming soon..two more days to go…I have not time to waste. But I feel very bad because yea, I don’t like study. I wish to go back kl as soon as possible. I wish 21st come faster. I wish I could do my best and strive for the best. But..i think except study, praying will be a very important part too. I will pray in my heart every night. Exam is stressful……..i scare exam..i love exam..i hate exam….

ps: i thought of wanna edit a bit, but never mind la..let the si 8 po know la

沉重的心情

考试快到了
心情越来越沉重
压力越来越大
昨天心情超级差的
但是又不懂可以告诉谁
我想一个人的感觉会比较好吧
昨晚写了一篇日记很想上网把它寄了
但是。。。却。。
要死了！！！！！！

i dont want study

help me....
i dont want study already
i wanna go back to kl......
desperately wanna go back kl and dont want study..
but i got no choice......
need to stay.....
stay till 26 nov...
god god god....
hate this..hate this
hate translation...
hate translator..

empty day again ?????

i tried my best to study study and study....but...it seems like not really well. processing..i start study at about 11 something in the morning..end up at about 2 something..my god.. then find ppl chat..even called my mom...i was so so so boring just keep on studying bout the same thing..i really want to say that i love biology..i love biology very much..i want to study biology...at least there is something diff..now the thing i am studying..not to say everything same..i need to remember everything but is actually a same thing from many ppl talking in diff ways..my god my god my god..is a quite empty day again for me..i going to die on the exam week....hm hm hm...my mind keep thinking about going back to kl....what should i do? my heart wanted to do very well in the exam and i am nervous cos fo the exam but...hm hm..just dont have the dedication to study well....tell me...what should i do and what can i do? struggling............ hope asali is with me now..... asali, love u so much...

i am so so amazing

how can i be so amazing......today should be study more than yesterday but...wow...after two pages then fall in sleep..then try to study again...fall in sleep again..so amazing right? hm....and yea...finally i got nothing today..haha...but when i chatting with ppl in msn..i was awake and energetic...haha..never fall in sleep while chatting even it is late night...so amazing right? why have to study? is so so so so tiring and boring..why not do some interactive things to evaluate on us instead of having exam? ........................speechless....become crazier day by day....hope will become better soon..... today i become topoli for someone.....haha..... so cute...topoli.... :P haha....hope everything will be end soon..and i can go back kl enjoy enjoy enjoy......

my home sweet home

yesterday i left my home sweet home to my friend's room because study week coming. yea..today is the first day of the study week..hm hm..whole day is online, chatting, grammar, sleep and eat.. thats all i did for today. and yes today i finally know who i am in someone heart now....hahhahahaha... askim, bene seni cok seviorum, tesekur. i am scare for the final exam but i dont know what i can do..i tried to do some grammar exercieses..is quite boring but have to do it also..my course is quite weird..my friend busying studying lot of books..but i just doing some grammar exercises online and yes..i dont know to read..this make me more scare....hm hm...i dont know where to start..i am always a science class student..and you know..science class plus is bio class..sure lot of things to study and to remember..but now i dont have book....my god..how? i not used to it actually...feeling dont know how...just like wasting time online-ing although i did do some grammar exercises..the level of my english course now is diff than those when i was in secondary or even muet...is much much more specific and harder...haiz..i cant imagine my result..................................

i am crazy

yes..i think i am getting crazy..think nonsense everyday...dont know what i am thinking...hm hm...everyday just fool around like a fool..today i got very bad result in the quiz that i did last two weeks..my god...i dont know how to face the final that will be coming on the end of the year..i am so scare about that...everytime i get quite bad result in quiz..i feel very stress...and sometime i really dont know what i am thinking....i hope to get something but i just cant get it...hm hm hm..mayb sometimes ''can meet but cannot force'' that is what a phrase in chinese said...hm hm...haiz..my heart feel quite jealous bout something but is stupid if i tell it out...haha..so just let it pass..i believe in better in time..

todayssssssss

is a tough day for me...finally i know the answer..is not the answer i want but at least i feel realease..is a bit sad but i believe that i will get better in time..because everything get better in time...so tomorrow will be another new day for me..i will start my whole new life tomorrow..hope it is a great day for me..yea..i know it will be a busy day for me

evaluation on my classmates' blogs

as i said earlier i have another japanese blog. now i am in japanese class and today's lesson is evaluate on others's blog. is quite a difficult job for me because all of them are my friend. so i did not gave too low mark. the lowest marks i gave is 7.5 out of 10. today is not a very happy day for me. i dont know why my mood will be affected by you. maybe better in time by leaona lewis now is suitable for me. actually i dont know whether what are u thinking but i just do my best to get in contact with u. sometimes i feel lost when i did not get to contact u. i hope the feeling will lost very soon and i will get to know what are u thinking.

Better in time by Leona Lewis

It's been the longest winter without you

I didn't know where to turn to See somehow I can't forget you

After all that we've been through

Going coming thought I heard a knock

Who's there no one

Thinking that I deserve it

Now I realise that I really didn't know

If you didn't notice you mean everything

Quickly I'm learning to love again

All I know is I'm gon' be ok

[Chorus:]Thought I couldn't live without you

It's gonna hurt when it heals too

It'll all get better in time

And even though I really love you

I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to

It'll all get better in time

I couldn't turn on the TV

Without something there to remaind me

Was it all that easy

To just put aside your feelings

If I'm dreaming don't wanna laugh

Hurt my feelings but that's the path

I believe in And I know that time will heal it

If you didn't notice boy you meant everything

Quickly I'm learning to love again

All I know is I'm gon' be ok

[Chorus:]Thought I couldn't live without you

It's gonna hurt when it heals too

It'll all get better in time

And even though I really love you

I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to

It'll all get better in time

Since there's no more you and me

It's time I let you go So I can be free

And live my life how it should be

No matter how hard it is

I'll be fine without you

Yes I will

[Chorus: X2]Thought I couldn't live without you

It's gonna hurt when it heals too

It'll all get better in time

And even though I really love you

I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to

It'll all get better in time

everyday is a happy day since monday

i have a very happy monday. is the happiest day since i came to penang. i done well in my presentation. i was so happy about that. and another happy thing is..yes..finally i got it..thanks to my grandmother for everything. because that day i went to her grave and tell her to help me in two things. and she really did. i feel so thankful to her. but one thing very sad is i did not go back when she pass away. i feel very guilty about that. and i also feel something more guilty. during chinese new year 2008, i went back to my grandmother house as usual. but the different is i dont know why when i when i reached there i just keep crying and dont feel like staying there. i cry a lot. and my mom scold me and said, sure something bad will happened this year. where got ppl cry like this in chinese new year. i really did not think of my grandmother will pass away so fast. yea she is old and she was sick but she getting healthy. i really did not think of she will pass away in this year. my mom was so sad. and i feel so guilty. because it seems my fault since i was crying during the chinese new year. is not a good sign for chinese ppl, should not be crying in chinese new year.......thanks my grandmother that help me realise my dream, not the whole of my dream but still thanks because already realised half of it. hope she rest in peace in heaven.

another gloomy week

yea...i just came back to usm after the Hari Raya break. is only a one week break but a lot of things happened. there are happy things and unhappy things for sure. last last sunday was the happiest sunday i ever had. i coincidently have a date with him and yea...i thought it was just simply a date with movies and meals but it was more than that. i did not expect anything from him at the beginning. but after that date, i think that i have some good feeling on him. i started to get nearer to him but the unlucky things happened. whenever i want to get closer, i felt that i became farer. now, i am far from distance and even heart. i miss him so much but he never know it and he wont appreciate everything i did. i dont know what happened to me. i felt myself very bad. i am not loyal to anyone untill i met him. but the loyalty to him useless. he did not even give me any news from him. i rather remain relationship like before. i dont know. i just like him even he just ignore me. help me!!!!!!!!! how to get out of this? now i trying to concentrate on my study and forget about him. hm..yea..i think coming back to usm and started to study is a good thing for me and is a chance for me to forget him. but in deep deep of my heart i still missing him a lot and hope to meet him once again. yea..starting this week i must not think too much about him anymore. i swear.......................

yes

yea..i think i will learn to stand up today..not to depend on you anymore..actually..i used to live without you..why i suddenly need you so much? so i think i will learn not to lean on you too much..study is the most important thing for me now..the person i want to find now is who have same vision as me..i want to travel all around the world and help poor people and do some charity work all around the work and sometime work with pay..i hope to find someone like that in the future. hm hm hm...today is a happy day because my japanese class cancelled..hahaha..and i finished my class at 1pm..so so happy..get back to hostel and rest and eat...lol..eat again..everyday eat eat eat..will become fat very soon..hm hm..today is a new start for me and a new beginning..i hope i will be shinning...

It is a bad day and wasted day (17/9/08)

Today is public holiday for Penang and Selangor state. Last night I did something made me feel guilty, I don’t want to say again what is that but it just make me feel so guilty. I slept at about 4am but early in the morning there is someone who called me and woke me up then I slept back till about 10am I guess because of the hot weather I put my mattress on the floor and under the fan. Then talk on phone with someone. I don’t know why I still will cry after listen something about your ex. I think I should not be like that. I must not be like that. I am so selfish. Today I never eat anything until now. Only ate 3 pieces of biscuit. I have no appetite today. I don’t know why. Today I cried again. Lately my emotion was so unstable. I don’t know what happened to me. Can I erase the memory of last night? Someone that accompanied me last night doesn’t want to treat me as friend anymore just because I told him my feeling after last night. I shouldn’t have done that kind of things with him. The action is too intimate. We shouldn’t walk so near. Now we are not friend anymore right? What you promised me last night is not anymore right? I think I have to accept everything you said because maybe that will really be better for us. I spent the whole day just talking on phone. Luckily I did washed my clothes and do some of my work. Why I like to cry whenever I faced problem? I don’t know. Cry is always not the solution for everything. I think I have to change my personality. Do not cry so easily anymore because tear is precious. I was so stupid that cry so much. I don’t know why just a small thing can make me cry like that. Do I really like you? I am wondering, or I am just wanted to have you? This thing is really confusing for me. I don’t know what should I do? Teach me how to stop crying please? Is this a kind of sickness? Or I am having too much of stress? I don’t know. Today I really did nothing and just a wasted day. Later at night there will be a mid-autumn festival night. Hope it will be fun and make me happy. Tomorrow still have a writing test coming ahead. Friday, there will be a Japanese listening test as well. I scare about my final exam. I hope I can go back kl as soon as possible.

tuesday

tuesday is always a busy day for me. i had english grammar class in the morning since i am doing translation and interpretation course. in the afternoon i have japanese class. and in the evening i have english class. luckily the teacher is quite handsome if not it will be too too boring to attend english class my god. today when the beginning of our english class is asked us to do free writting. at the moment i just write everything i have in my mind. and you are the one that appear in my mind. i dont know why you appear quite frequent in my mind, you made me cry, you made me smile. you appear more often than my boyfriend. i dont know why will become like this. i know you for not too long but you care me more than him. the only thing he can do is make me smile and make me angry sometimes. i started to confuse who is my boyfriend. cos i will be more comfortable while talking to you. but he loves me so much although sometimes we talk something stupid. but actually i also dont know whether he loves me or not because i only know his loves for me from his mouth, he seldom do any action. but i do feel your care. i love the way you care of me. i love the way you talk to me. i love the way you accompany me. is this mean i love you? i am not sure. i dont know what should i do now. but i wont let all this stuff affect my study. study is the most important things to me now. LOVE is the second thing in my life now. i wil become happier each time i express out my feelings.

hello

i do have a japanese blog in blogger but i still prefer writing it in english but since that is compulsory for my course so i just did it. hm..today finally release some of my stress cos finally everything stop for a while. sometimes is tiring to repet the same things every week. one of my friend told me that day that he going to leave malaysia because he had a sad memory here. but i was too too sad to hear that then i keep crying crying crying. he promised me to stay but today he broke his promise, he said he going to leave soon, i am in library when i got this news and i still cannot hold my tears and cry. i dont know why i will become like this cos i know this friend not very long and he is my senior. i really dont know why i will become like that. i cried so hard that day so that he could stay. i dont know what happened to me. i just dont want him to leave me..but now he going to leave. what should i do? i already beg him for not leaving but he still leaving soon. very soon. he said he going to leave next week. i hope he will change his mind. saturday i saw rainbow, i was so happy because i seldom saw rainbow. some people said rainbow brings luck to us. but for me now i dont think so. it mayb make me happy but not bring luck. on sunday that my friend told me he will be leaving. this is my first english blog here. i hope someone read it and drop me comments. when i have time again i will drop in blog again.