It is a bad day and wasted day (17/9/08)

Today is public holiday for Penang and Selangor state. Last night I did something made me feel guilty, I don’t want to say again what is that but it just make me feel so guilty. I slept at about 4am but early in the morning there is someone who called me and woke me up then I slept back till about 10am I guess because of the hot weather I put my mattress on the floor and under the fan. Then talk on phone with someone. I don’t know why I still will cry after listen something about your ex. I think I should not be like that. I must not be like that. I am so selfish. Today I never eat anything until now. Only ate 3 pieces of biscuit. I have no appetite today. I don’t know why. Today I cried again. Lately my emotion was so unstable. I don’t know what happened to me. Can I erase the memory of last night? Someone that accompanied me last night doesn’t want to treat me as friend anymore just because I told him my feeling after last night. I shouldn’t have done that kind of things with him. The action is too intimate. We shouldn’t walk so near. Now we are not friend anymore right? What you promised me last night is not anymore right? I think I have to accept everything you said because maybe that will really be better for us. I spent the whole day just talking on phone. Luckily I did washed my clothes and do some of my work. Why I like to cry whenever I faced problem? I don’t know. Cry is always not the solution for everything. I think I have to change my personality. Do not cry so easily anymore because tear is precious. I was so stupid that cry so much. I don’t know why just a small thing can make me cry like that. Do I really like you? I am wondering, or I am just wanted to have you? This thing is really confusing for me. I don’t know what should I do? Teach me how to stop crying please? Is this a kind of sickness? Or I am having too much of stress? I don’t know. Today I really did nothing and just a wasted day. Later at night there will be a mid-autumn festival night. Hope it will be fun and make me happy. Tomorrow still have a writing test coming ahead. Friday, there will be a Japanese listening test as well. I scare about my final exam. I hope I can go back kl as soon as possible.