yes

yea..i think i will learn to stand up today..not to depend on you anymore..actually..i used to live without you..why i suddenly need you so much? so i think i will learn not to lean on you too much..study is the most important thing for me now..the person i want to find now is who have same vision as me..i want to travel all around the world and help poor people and do some charity work all around the work and sometime work with pay..i hope to find someone like that in the future. hm hm hm...today is a happy day because my japanese class cancelled..hahaha..and i finished my class at 1pm..so so happy..get back to hostel and rest and eat...lol..eat again..everyday eat eat eat..will become fat very soon..hm hm..today is a new start for me and a new beginning..i hope i will be shinning...

It is a bad day and wasted day (17/9/08)

Today is public holiday for Penang and Selangor state. Last night I did something made me feel guilty, I don’t want to say again what is that but it just make me feel so guilty. I slept at about 4am but early in the morning there is someone who called me and woke me up then I slept back till about 10am I guess because of the hot weather I put my mattress on the floor and under the fan. Then talk on phone with someone. I don’t know why I still will cry after listen something about your ex. I think I should not be like that. I must not be like that. I am so selfish. Today I never eat anything until now. Only ate 3 pieces of biscuit. I have no appetite today. I don’t know why. Today I cried again. Lately my emotion was so unstable. I don’t know what happened to me. Can I erase the memory of last night? Someone that accompanied me last night doesn’t want to treat me as friend anymore just because I told him my feeling after last night. I shouldn’t have done that kind of things with him. The action is too intimate. We shouldn’t walk so near. Now we are not friend anymore right? What you promised me last night is not anymore right? I think I have to accept everything you said because maybe that will really be better for us. I spent the whole day just talking on phone. Luckily I did washed my clothes and do some of my work. Why I like to cry whenever I faced problem? I don’t know. Cry is always not the solution for everything. I think I have to change my personality. Do not cry so easily anymore because tear is precious. I was so stupid that cry so much. I don’t know why just a small thing can make me cry like that. Do I really like you? I am wondering, or I am just wanted to have you? This thing is really confusing for me. I don’t know what should I do? Teach me how to stop crying please? Is this a kind of sickness? Or I am having too much of stress? I don’t know. Today I really did nothing and just a wasted day. Later at night there will be a mid-autumn festival night. Hope it will be fun and make me happy. Tomorrow still have a writing test coming ahead. Friday, there will be a Japanese listening test as well. I scare about my final exam. I hope I can go back kl as soon as possible.

tuesday

tuesday is always a busy day for me. i had english grammar class in the morning since i am doing translation and interpretation course. in the afternoon i have japanese class. and in the evening i have english class. luckily the teacher is quite handsome if not it will be too too boring to attend english class my god. today when the beginning of our english class is asked us to do free writting. at the moment i just write everything i have in my mind. and you are the one that appear in my mind. i dont know why you appear quite frequent in my mind, you made me cry, you made me smile. you appear more often than my boyfriend. i dont know why will become like this. i know you for not too long but you care me more than him. the only thing he can do is make me smile and make me angry sometimes. i started to confuse who is my boyfriend. cos i will be more comfortable while talking to you. but he loves me so much although sometimes we talk something stupid. but actually i also dont know whether he loves me or not because i only know his loves for me from his mouth, he seldom do any action. but i do feel your care. i love the way you care of me. i love the way you talk to me. i love the way you accompany me. is this mean i love you? i am not sure. i dont know what should i do now. but i wont let all this stuff affect my study. study is the most important things to me now. LOVE is the second thing in my life now. i wil become happier each time i express out my feelings.

hello

i do have a japanese blog in blogger but i still prefer writing it in english but since that is compulsory for my course so i just did it. hm..today finally release some of my stress cos finally everything stop for a while. sometimes is tiring to repet the same things every week. one of my friend told me that day that he going to leave malaysia because he had a sad memory here. but i was too too sad to hear that then i keep crying crying crying. he promised me to stay but today he broke his promise, he said he going to leave soon, i am in library when i got this news and i still cannot hold my tears and cry. i dont know why i will become like this cos i know this friend not very long and he is my senior. i really dont know why i will become like that. i cried so hard that day so that he could stay. i dont know what happened to me. i just dont want him to leave me..but now he going to leave. what should i do? i already beg him for not leaving but he still leaving soon. very soon. he said he going to leave next week. i hope he will change his mind. saturday i saw rainbow, i was so happy because i seldom saw rainbow. some people said rainbow brings luck to us. but for me now i dont think so. it mayb make me happy but not bring luck. on sunday that my friend told me he will be leaving. this is my first english blog here. i hope someone read it and drop me comments. when i have time again i will drop in blog again.