this is my now

what to do with life?
i don't really understand what mean by life actually.
am i sounding too pessimistic?
when i have to make a decision, why do i need to think?
Can i just decide without thinking?
Do i need a reason to hate someone?
Do i need a reason to leave something?
Can i have the time to stop a while for me?
Is really hard when you have to make a decision when you don't really feel like you want to do
i felt really hard
i had think thousand times actually
What makes me stay in the club?
i still can cheat myself with some minor reasons before this
but after yesterday, i can't think of a reason why i should stay in the club
but i can think reasonssssss why i should leave the club
so? have i made a right decision?
what will happened next?
i really wanted to get involve in the activities
but who cares about what i felt?
i am invisible today
the feeling is really bad
because of that i had really made my decision to leave
but why i felt quite bad after i wrote the letter to the president?
i thought myself had already made the decision
i already sent the letter
i have no turning back
i think i should look forward now to find my new road
i think there are always opportunities in life

i always don't like this person but i can't tell the reason
finally i got the reasons two days ago
should i be happy? or should i congratz myself for having one more enemy in this world?
or should i just close one eye and keep on diguising?
OMG..i hate to be fake
why i can't always be myself?
why should i care about how people think of me?

how can i satisfy her?
this is the biggest problem i have now
too many things to think of
this is my now.......