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i am studying in university science malaysia penang campus now. trying to enjoy my university life. hoping everything will get better soon.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Un-bless love

“When I see your face, there’s not a thing that I would say…”. I looked into my phone, is a +041 number, I was so happy and picked up the call. We stay connected through call since I came back from Switzerland. We talked for a little while and he told me something made me almost fainted during that call…

It was 3rd of March 2010, it is your birthday, we met up in Zurich station and went around the city, had a meal by the lake side restaurant. You told me this was the happiest birthday you ever had. And you thank me for celebrating with you. It was my pleasure to spent time with you. Your green grey eyes, your reddish nose, your sunshine smile, your dark brown hair, your big hand and your big dark green overcoat, I still clearly remember everything on you that day. And highlight of the day was the moment you told me “I think I fall in love with you.”

That’s the beginning of the complicated affair. Happiness, sadness, tears, laughter, everything started from that moment. Happiness filled the atmosphere for the first week. The oxytocin in my body increased each day after that. I can laugh without any reason. I laugh even when I was watching a sad movie. That’s the effect of oxytocin. That’s why there is a saying where love is a magic spell that cured all kind of sickness. I finally knew that feeling since that moment.

We live one hour apart from each other. Since you are busy with your work, I made my effort to meet you at your city every weekend. We went around the city everytime we met. We told each other our problem and at the end of the day, that’s the saddest moment because we will only meet us on another week.

In a glance, was already three months. I went there for a student exchange program that only last for five months. You decided to leave your city and spent more time with me. You moved to my house. It was a tiny, squared room with simple furniture inside. Since then, we went everywhere together. Your working time is flexible so when I have school, you able to sent me to school and when I finished school, you will picked me back from school and we will shopped food for our dinner. Our little room is located in the city center, so after we had our shopping, we walked back to home and cook. That’s the happiest moment in my life and you told me it was yours too.

Happiness always ends faster than sadness. Six weeks past, is time for me to go back to Malaysia. The night before I left, we cried a lot. The time when we were in Zurich airport, we cried a lot. Suddenly, that was my saddest moment. And somehow in my heart, I knew that might be the last time we were so closed to each other. I wanted to think positively but I just had the feeling that you will slip away.

It’s been two months I back in Malaysia. We are still fine. Finally, this call came. He said in the phone : “I made a new tattoo. Is my daughter’s name. She lives in Thailand now.” At that moment, my feeling was I hit by the thunder, I cried so hard because I can’t believe it. I non-stop asking him, why? Why? Why? He is only one year older than me, I can’t believe that. I told my mom about this incident, and she comforted me. We broke up. I felt so hurt and so sad. It is too dramatic for me. But, I have to accept it.

How good if I were a boy? I asked myself everyday. If I were a boy, I definitely won’t let my girl fall and won’t let her tears. I will listen to her everyday and be by her side every moment she needs me. No matter how, I have to come back reality and accept the fact that I am a girl. And at the same time, accept the fact that, guy will never understand girl and never know that he hurt her.

Lyric link : http://www.metrolyrics.com/if-i-were-a-boy-lyrics-beyonce-knowles.html

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